Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize