you traded sex for a burrito?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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