**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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