to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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