If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
