your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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