i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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