How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
