I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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