Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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