Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
