what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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