And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
