i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize