Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
