OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
