when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
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Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize