she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
