wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
