I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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