Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
