you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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