Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
