i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
