i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
