After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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