i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
