can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
