i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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