Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think a kid would responsible me up
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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