Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she smelled like a LAN party
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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