Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
