just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
