i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
