Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
