I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
