You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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