Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
