i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
