I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
