some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
