Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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