I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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