She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
