wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
