My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
