I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
