I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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