this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
