So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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