look no pants
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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