you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We are all done wearing pants today
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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