Where did you get a picture of my penis
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
