she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
