consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
