She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
