i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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