Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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