the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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