Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
