Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
the raccoons are back...
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