A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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