he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
