Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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