Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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